I can't help it

This is quite possibly a new low in my blogging "career," but I can't help myself. My mom sent this to me. It's an email that's been floating around for some time, but I can't help but comment on the humor (and truth) in it.

Here goes. If you're a local reader, you'll totally get these. I've added my commentary in italics. If you're not local, I'm sorry. Please come back another day. You're going to be completely lost.

Here are some ways to know if you're a true Arkansan.
If...
1. You can properly pronounce Ouachita. and that would be wash-a-ta
2. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies. you haven't seen humid until you've spent an August weekend outside in Pine Bluff!
3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel. Okies are so much worse about this than we are : )
4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade. too true!!
5. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.
6. You've seen people wear bib overalls at funerals. True story: my brother's grandfather-in-law wore bib overalls to my brother's wedding. . .I kid you not!
7. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent. and you can tell which part of Arkansas by listening to it!
8. You measure distance in minutes.
9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean. It's not?
10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit. nah--you know it'll change. You just wear many layers and prepare for the dizzying array of temperature changes that we call seasons in Arkansas.
11. You know cow pies are not made of beef. You know the Beef Princess thing? Well, the local festival that was going on when I was crowned used to have a cow chip throwing contest. No, that's one contest I never entered.
12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date. well, the Hogs schedule is used to plan many things. . .That's not that unusual, is it?
13. You have known someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist. just one?
14. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, beer, and bait all in the same store. Heber Springs, baby!
15. You know that a Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol here - A Red Ford, F-250, Crew Cab, with Dual Wheels and Four Wheel Drive is. If you change this to a Dodge, then my husband is SO driving a status symbol. . .and the welding machine in the back will just make it look TOO cool!
16. You know everything goes better with 'Ranch'. and ketchup. we're classy that way!
17. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply. my kids certainly have. . .
18. If you know who Slick Willy is and how he achieved his name. yep. . .but officially, my comment is "No comment" and it "depends on what your definition of the word 'is' is."
19. If you have ever had this conversation: "You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr Pepper." my dad is the worst about this. If you take that man to Sonic, he always orders a coke. You know, the Dr. Pepper kind.
20. You know that "Whooooo Pig! Sooie!" is Calling the Hogs! GO HOGS! What?! You knew I was going to say it!
21. You know where Fannie Fox Freeway is and how it was so named.. no idea on this one. anyone else?
22. If you know what "Black Ice" is. yes
23. You know how to get to Toad Suck, and Petit Jean Mtn. yep
24. Why the state flag is diamond shaped. yep and I would love to take the kids to find diamonds! How cool would that be?
25. If you've ever listened to Bob Robbins or Craig (Lips) Oneil . unsure on this one, also. any help out there?
26. Ever been up the Pig trail and floated down the Buffalo . yep. I can't wait to take Kyler floating again! We floated a different river last year. He had so much fun (as did I!).
27. Your summers are measured in consecutive days that the temperature exceeds 100 degrees. and have we mentioned the humidity?
28. If you know the horse track is in Hot Springs and the dog track is in West Memphis. yep. although I've never got to go to either. I have been to Hot Springs and West Memphis, however.
29. If you ever bought earthquake insurance because you were once worried about the New Madrid Fault. nope.
30. Deer hunting is considered an excused absence in your High Schools. only for Jodie : ) (Love ya, Jodie!!)
And Finally: 31. You are 100% Arkie if you actually get more than half of these jokes and are "FIXIN'" to show them to your friends.

Well, it's official. I am an Arkansan. How did you do?

I promise not to repost emails from now on! (no matter how funny they are!!)