What am I Raising?

We had a fun, wet mini-vacation this weekend. There will be more pictures soon to show you the fun you, a spouse, two very active kiddos, and one young puppy can have in a 29-foot travel trailer--especially if you encounter a monsoon!

For now, I'd like to leave you with a snippet of our Saturday night movie time.

Kady, dear, sweet, two-and-a-half year-old Kady, let one. A loud one. Before we could all turn our heads to see that, in fact, it was Kady, she said, "Kyler did it." Oh, yes she did!

Who?!

Setting: My house last night. I was trying to pack clothes for our trip to see Kevin. Kady was running around in her fuschia sweatpants, too-big red t-shirt, and black cowboy boots. She had pulled a receiving blanket over her head (think "Mary" in every nativity play you've ever seen).

Me: Kady, whatcha doin'?
Kady: Playin'. (We're big on accents here--have you noticed?)
Me: What are you playing?
Kady: I'm ahdlfjaslkdjflks.
Me: You're who?
Kady: I'm Santa Claus.

There you have it. Most kids want Santa to come to them. Kady has chosen to be an overweight, hairy, elderly gentleman. Should I be worried?

observations and revelations from exercising: week 4

I have five steps going into my house. Five. I've wondered if I could fall up the first one and land in my house, but I've been to tired to try it.

Those candy bars, cheesecakes, ice cream sundaes, and assorted junk I ate to get his fat? The secret ingredient is glue. Four weeks and not a pound has left these thighs. It's enough to make you want a cheesecake.

Exercise gear is SO cute. . .if you don't need it!

Cost thus far: $140 for shoes (don't tell Kev!), $5.00 for pedometer, $20.00 for sports bras (the first one was too little, but I was too embarrassed to return it.)

Pay off thus far: slightly clearer skin. That's it. Sssooo worth it, right?

Does this make me weird?

And the answer to the title is: No, every other weird thing about me makes me weird. This could make me certifiable. . .As I drifted off to sleep last night, the sentence that floated into my mind was. . .

If I eat green beans, I will turn into a carrot.

Um, anyone want to venture a guess as to what my brain was thinking. I sure don't.

I can't help it

This is quite possibly a new low in my blogging "career," but I can't help myself. My mom sent this to me. It's an email that's been floating around for some time, but I can't help but comment on the humor (and truth) in it.

Here goes. If you're a local reader, you'll totally get these. I've added my commentary in italics. If you're not local, I'm sorry. Please come back another day. You're going to be completely lost.

Here are some ways to know if you're a true Arkansan.
If...
1. You can properly pronounce Ouachita. and that would be wash-a-ta
2. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies. you haven't seen humid until you've spent an August weekend outside in Pine Bluff!
3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel. Okies are so much worse about this than we are : )
4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade. too true!!
5. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.
6. You've seen people wear bib overalls at funerals. True story: my brother's grandfather-in-law wore bib overalls to my brother's wedding. . .I kid you not!
7. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent. and you can tell which part of Arkansas by listening to it!
8. You measure distance in minutes.
9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean. It's not?
10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit. nah--you know it'll change. You just wear many layers and prepare for the dizzying array of temperature changes that we call seasons in Arkansas.
11. You know cow pies are not made of beef. You know the Beef Princess thing? Well, the local festival that was going on when I was crowned used to have a cow chip throwing contest. No, that's one contest I never entered.
12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date. well, the Hogs schedule is used to plan many things. . .That's not that unusual, is it?
13. You have known someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist. just one?
14. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, beer, and bait all in the same store. Heber Springs, baby!
15. You know that a Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol here - A Red Ford, F-250, Crew Cab, with Dual Wheels and Four Wheel Drive is. If you change this to a Dodge, then my husband is SO driving a status symbol. . .and the welding machine in the back will just make it look TOO cool!
16. You know everything goes better with 'Ranch'. and ketchup. we're classy that way!
17. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply. my kids certainly have. . .
18. If you know who Slick Willy is and how he achieved his name. yep. . .but officially, my comment is "No comment" and it "depends on what your definition of the word 'is' is."
19. If you have ever had this conversation: "You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr Pepper." my dad is the worst about this. If you take that man to Sonic, he always orders a coke. You know, the Dr. Pepper kind.
20. You know that "Whooooo Pig! Sooie!" is Calling the Hogs! GO HOGS! What?! You knew I was going to say it!
21. You know where Fannie Fox Freeway is and how it was so named.. no idea on this one. anyone else?
22. If you know what "Black Ice" is. yes
23. You know how to get to Toad Suck, and Petit Jean Mtn. yep
24. Why the state flag is diamond shaped. yep and I would love to take the kids to find diamonds! How cool would that be?
25. If you've ever listened to Bob Robbins or Craig (Lips) Oneil . unsure on this one, also. any help out there?
26. Ever been up the Pig trail and floated down the Buffalo . yep. I can't wait to take Kyler floating again! We floated a different river last year. He had so much fun (as did I!).
27. Your summers are measured in consecutive days that the temperature exceeds 100 degrees. and have we mentioned the humidity?
28. If you know the horse track is in Hot Springs and the dog track is in West Memphis. yep. although I've never got to go to either. I have been to Hot Springs and West Memphis, however.
29. If you ever bought earthquake insurance because you were once worried about the New Madrid Fault. nope.
30. Deer hunting is considered an excused absence in your High Schools. only for Jodie : ) (Love ya, Jodie!!)
And Finally: 31. You are 100% Arkie if you actually get more than half of these jokes and are "FIXIN'" to show them to your friends.

Well, it's official. I am an Arkansan. How did you do?

I promise not to repost emails from now on! (no matter how funny they are!!)

Realizations of the Day

Health is something you take for granted until you lose it.

AND

Anatomy class is best taken after a strenuous workout, so that you can feel EACH AND EVERY muscle you are learning.

AND

Just because you used to be in shape doesn't mean you're not a lard-butt now. : )

Chaos (Alternately Titled: Why I haven't been around much)

Life is chaotic. At times, however, the chaos can appear to take over. It can appear to overwhelm. It seems to snowball. One thing happens, and suddenly every inconceivable thing occurs. That seems to be my life lately. I'm trying very hard to trust God and not stress over things.

Here's a rundown of what I'm dealing with (in as much as I'm permitted to discuss some of these things).

Kady appears to be fairly healthy thus far. Her new medicine appears to be working, but it is very time consuming. (Not that I'm complaining! I'll take a time consuming healthy kid over an unhealthy kid any day of the week!!)

My dad is still in extreme pain. (Almost two weeks ago, he hurt his hip.) No one knows what's going on. . .He can't stand or walk. He is sleeping somewhat, which means my mom is also sleeping somewhat. We're hoping for more information (or any information, really) tomorrow.

My boss' little girl is very ill. She is in the Pediatric ICU, and we are hoping she is healthy very soon!

One of my best friends' grandmother is ill. She has cancer and the prognosis is not good.

Spring break is coming up next week, and I had hoped to take a couple of days off and take the kids to see Kevin. We really need the time away. We're all exhausted and cranky. (Unfortunately, Kev and I are experiencing a difficult time. . .)

On the positive side, Kady is wearing p a n t i e s (I didn't want some creepo finding my blog THAT way. . .). I have survived 3 weeks of [gulp] exercise. Not an ounce has left my body, but I'm proud of myself for sticking with it thus far. In fact, I think I could outrun a 90-year-old assailant now. . .as long as I could kick his walker out of the way first. . .

Anyone else going through difficult times? How are you coping?

Well, now that I've bummed everyone out, let me say that I hope you'll all stick around until my blogging mojo is fully restocked. . .Till next time!

I can't talk about it

I was 9 months pregnant when Kyler started school, and I felt every bit of 9 months! My fear was that I would go into labor that day and miss getting to see him and talk to him. Instead, I waited a couple more weeks before I had Kady.

That first day was hard. I'm not usually a highly emotional person. Seriously. However, if your baby starts kindergarten when you're 9 months pregnant, I suggest taking tissues. Kevin was very understanding (although he kept laughing at me. . .), and some random teacher gave me a hug in the hallway. (Seriously. Never saw her before.)

Kevin took me to have breakfast, where we proceed to talk about how fast it's went thus far. Then, the talk turned to "and before you know it, he'll be driving." I boohooed. I broke down and bawled. Something about my baby in a car, driving scares me to death. I don't know if it's the lack of control parents have at that point, the fear of something happening to him, or the idea that he would actually be old enough to maneuver a vehicle on his own, but the idea still sends me to tears. Whatever you do, do not mention Kyler driving.

This weekend, we let Kyler steer (or "drive" to him) up the driveway. Kevin (because he's so loving and sweet like that) kept talking to Kyler about what will happen when Kyler's old enough to drive. They laughed while I cried. Kyler wants a dually pickup like his Papa's. Kevin said, "we'll see." I think Kady should get a Jeep, because I loved my Jeep. Kevin says no. Apparently, boys like girls with Jeeps, and we can't have that. . .My husband is as weird as I am. . .but at least I found something to torment him with. If he brings up you-know-who d r i v i n g (that was too hard to type!), I bring up Kady-bug getting a Jeep. All's fair, right?

In Appreciation of the Less Smart Four-Legged Friends

Apparently, there is a new, updated list of the ten smartest dog breeds. OK, so maybe you're looking for a dog. You might think this list would be a great place to start. It's not. Go out and get the dumbest dog you've ever seen. Trust me. I know it sounds crazy, but I know what I'm talking about on this.

We have two dogs, and we love them both. One is a smarter-than-me Golden Retriever. He opens doors. He stands on his hind legs and looks into doors (and windows), which makes for uncomfortable conversations with the neighbors. . .He opens gates. He gets into closed, dog-proof trash cans. He pretty much does whatever he wants to do, and we can't stop him. He likes to go down to the neighbor's house and play with their FIVE dogs. (He hangs with a rough crowd.) He is a daily dose of trouble.

The other dog is a terrified-of-his-shadow, "less-smart" Cocker Spaniel. I am not implying in any way that all Cocker Spaniels are dumb. Unfortunately, ours is. Somedays, you have to show him that you did indeed put food in his dish. He doesn't find his way out of the yard (maybe because he couldn't find his way back!). He is no trouble. His day is made by petting him or playing with him or hugging him. . .

In fact, when I think about it, dumb dogs have always been less trouble, and we've had a lot of dogs. There was Maggie, the 1/2 Bassett-1/2 Beagle, who could literally not find her food and water if you didn't show her where it was. Then, on the other side of the spectrum, there was Annabelle, the hyper-active DIVA Bassett hound, who could tell you exactly what she thought of you with one look. . .Yep, dogs are great, but dumb ones are a lot less trouble!

bubble for sale? (and bathroom humor)

We survived. If you've never experienced a 2 1/2 year old enduring allergy testing, you're not sure what an accomplishment that is! We survived, and Kady actually did really well. (I ended up cancelling the ENT appointment, because we just couldn't make it.) It turns out my daughter is allergic to "springtime" (e.g., pollens, etc.) among other things, so I'm gearing up for a fun month. She's also allergic to cats and dogs. There goes my dream of her opening Kady's Kat Kennel. . .

Apparently, her allergies will most likely get worse before they get better. (Because she's lucky like that. . .) Around five years of age, she will probably begin allergy shots. Until then, my child has the medication list of a 90-year-old. (If Kady had been born first, we couldn't have afforded having any more kids. . .) I think if I can find a bubble that fits, it should help me keep her asthma-free. . .Anyone have a bubble for sale?

In other (unrelated) news, Kady is doing great with the potty training. She went potty in the restroom at Red Robin. Red Robin, please note that it would be appreciated if you could lower the volume on those flushes or at least reduce the echo to a reasonable level. . . I thought it would scare her to death when she heard it, but she just looked at me with huge eyes. I said, "Boy, that was really loud, huh?" She nodded and said (with all seriousness), "There's a monster in that potty."

rambling thoughts

Note to Self: Do NOT schedule a toddler for a full day's worth of doctor's appointments 2 hours away (4 hours round trip) immediately following the time change. . .I hope we live through tomorrow. Assuming we make it there on time, Kady will see the allergist in the morning and the ear, nose, and throat doctor for the afternoon.

Did I mention we are potty-training? Pray that we have a safe (and dry) trip and a productive visit with the doctors. Also, and more importantly, my dad has hurt his hip. Let's pray that he is ok and heals swiftly. I pray that Erica's son, Rhett, gets over the flu soon and no one else in her family gets it.

Does anyone else hate the time change as much as me? It doesn't matter whether we are springing or falling, it makes no sense that we change the time. . .It's a conspiracy against moms. I'm telling ya', the government is out to get us. . .and we're too tired to do anything about it!

I'll be back Wednesday for updates. Have a wonderful (and awake) Monday.

welcome, welcome, we're glad you're here!

I am so amazingly fortunate to (once again) be featured on 5minutesfor humor. This is truly an honor for me, and one I'm never quite sure how to handle it. . .

If you're new here, welcome. Please stick around. . .at least long enough to laugh at, um, with us. We are simply a family trying to survive life without losing what sanity we have. If you can get a little enjoyment out of the messes we find ourselves in, I encourage you to "follow" us. (Wow, that sounds so stalker-ish, doesn't it?)

Delusion has left the building. . .

and reality is alive and well. There is no freakin' way I can run a 5k! What was I thinking? I'm pretty sure my heart stopped today. Why shouldn't it? My entire body needed a break at that time. . .Holy crap.

they're trying to kill me

So, you know, I've been trying this whole "exercising" thing, right? Yeah. I think it might kill me. I'm up to jogging the distance to the fridge and walking the rest. Actually, that's not exactly true. You guys are right. I have a long ways to go, but I have been impressed with what my body has done.

My sister-in-law (the one that wears single digit size clothes) is great. She's very low key, typically. She doesn't talk much. She's very quiet. I should have known I was in trouble when she was PUMPED about my idea to run a 5k. She's going to design a training regimen for me. . .Never mind that I told her and my brother that I had one. . .I'm quite sure she is unfamiliar with the level of laziness and out-of-shapeness that awaits her efforts. Not to sound paranoid or anything, but do you think this could be some elaborate plan to kill me? If so, I can think of much less painful ways to die.

wfmw: master list

Wow! Does anyone else feel the pressure with this whole "best tips" thing? No? OK, just me. . .again. Well, I couldn't choose just one, so I picked several for you to choose from. In case you missed it the first time, you can view:

1. My easy, breezy butterfinger pie recipe is HERE. (It really is the easiest thing you've ever made!)
2. My plan for cooking bacon is HERE. (Use the George Foreman grill.)
3. My solution for mildew-smelling clothes is HERE. (We'll both pretend we don't actually need that one.)
4. My Christmas ideas are HERE and HERE. (The first one is shopping/spouse get-a-way. The second is a breakfast dish for Christmas or any special morning.)
5. My new tip this week is to use lemon drops (or anything sour really) to survive morning sickness. It really works. I used it with both of mine, and it worked as good as anything. (Not that I'll ever be using it again!)

OK, that's all I've got. Head on over to We are THAT Family to view more tips. Thanks for stopping by!!

what have I gotten myself into now?

Apparently, it's not safe for this adult to drive three hours in a car with two young children without another adult present. It had been a long week. A reeaaalllyyy long week. We were late heading out. I spent three hours in the car. The kids were tired and fussy. (You know this is going to be bad, don't you?)

My boss and I had discussed the local "boot camp" class that was beginning soon. We weren't going to be attending, but we had discussed it. Somewhere along mile 80 or 90, I decided that I really needed to lose the weight. Folks, we're talking a lot of weight. Somewhere along the Highway of Delusion, I decided what I really needed was a goal--a fun, difficult goal that I would be proud of. . .so I decided to enter a 5k in June. (I warned you.)

Afraid that I would want to back out tomorrow (proof that there was some rational thought. . .), I called my boss. She said it would be great, but she would be at Disney World that week in June. (I know--likely story. . .) I called my teacher friend. She told me I was delusional and nuts. She said she might attempt the one mile run. . .but she would have to think about it. I then called my 6 foot tall, 80 pound sister-in-law, who used to routinely run those things. SHE'S PUMPED. She can't wait to begin "our" training. It seems she's not really been training since having the baby. . .She knows I can do this. (Proof that she's delusional as well.)

Kevin, to his credit, did not laugh. He said he thought I could do it, if I really work hard. That was the really nice way of saying, "ain't no way. . ."

I called all those people back on Saturday and told them about the insane dream I had. . .They weren't buying it. It looks like I'll be attempting suicide by exercise in the next few weeks. On the positive side, it should make for humorous reading. . .even if it is short-lived.