weight loss fail

So, these days I'm a long ways from skinny, but I have managed to get in better shape, build some muscle, and lose some weight (18 pounds and quite a few inches...) by working out and going to a trainer. As I'm working out on Friday, a co-worker comes walking through the area. . .

She: Oh, you're still working out?
Me: Yeah. [sweating and lunging and talking simultaneously]
She: Huh. So, you must think it's working, huh?
Me: Yeah, I guess so. [laughing]

weight loss update

12 pounds. I need to lose 12 pounds, so I can go on the cruise I promised myself. Other than cutting off a limb, does anyone have any other weight loss ideas?

I might die

She types, moving one finger at a time, trying somehow to type without moving. . .Alas, movement is inevitable, yet pain filled. . .

Exercise Rule #4: Thou shalt not tell thy trainer it is time to "step it up."

My trainer, Lady of Death, tried to kill me yesterday. She offered promises of buns of steel, a shapely waist, skinny clothes, and cruises clad in swimsuits. I, however, was not misled. While completing lunges of acrobatic type and enough squats to kill a frog, I mentioned her hedonistic personality that had suddenly emerged. She laughed and muttered something about "10 more."

I would hunt her down and hurt her today, but it's almost time to take more ibuprofen. I am also busy trying to take back every bad thing I said about movie stars. They earn every penny they're paid. It's tough work being skinny, and I'm not even there yet! Quick, someone find me a stunt double before next week!

Don't forget to sign up for my goodybag giveaway! You can enter by leaving a comment on this post or the previous post. Drawing will be August 28 @ noonish CST.

weight loss update

I sit here eating a white chocolate chip macadamia nut cookie. Don't laugh. The truth is, I've lost 18 pounds so far. Numerous inches have also banished themselves from my waist and thighs. I am thrilled. Kevin is thrilled simply because I'm thrilled. (He says he couldn't care less what I weigh. . .) I told him when I started this that I needed a big incentive to lose this weight. He came through. He has agreed to take me on a cruise (his idea of torture) if I get to my goal weight. I have 12 pounds to go. You read that right. 12 pounds. I can totally do this, right?! So, ideas, suggestions are welcome (and keep me motivated). Give me cruise ideas, hints, tips, etc., please. Oh, and Kevin claims he'll get a spray-on tan when we go. Don't worry, that's definitely blog-worthy! : )

going the wrong way

You may have heard the news. I started this whole "get healthy" kick. I've been jogging and lifting weight and eating healthy. It's been rather dramatic thus far. First there was the lack of weight loss. Then, there was the frustration. Eventually, there were shin splints. Finally, there is the lack of weight loss.

Did I mention the lack of weight loss?

I went to the doctor Wednesday. It turns out this whole "getting healthy" kick is bad for my health. You want proof? My blood pressure has always been normal. Yesterday, it was high. HIGH. How can that be? I feel like I'm in an elaborate candid camera/punked episode. . .In fact, the entire doctor's visit felt that way.


The doctor told me not to worry about things that I can't control. . .like my parents' health. After all, they might not make it much longer. (He is not their doctor.) To lose weight, you should park at the far end of the parking lot. . .Did I mention I was walking/jogging 2.5-3 miles every other day?


Remember how they always have to take my blood from my hand? Well, fifteen minutes later, this lab tech felt she should [sigh] try my hand, although [sigh] that vein didn't look very promising either. (What am I--an ex-addict or something? How did I win the bad vein lottery? And why is she complaining? She's not the one about to be stuck with a needle and told it probably will hurt and have to be repeated. . .)


I went to pay my bill, and there was a huge commotion. Apparently, my doctor forgot to charge me (darn) and when he did, he charged me for a lab procedure that no one knew how to charge me for. . .

I'm pretty sure getting healthy and visits to the doctor are doing nothing good for my blood pressure. In fact, this whole "getting healthy" thing may kill me!

what have I gotten myself into now?

Apparently, it's not safe for this adult to drive three hours in a car with two young children without another adult present. It had been a long week. A reeaaalllyyy long week. We were late heading out. I spent three hours in the car. The kids were tired and fussy. (You know this is going to be bad, don't you?)

My boss and I had discussed the local "boot camp" class that was beginning soon. We weren't going to be attending, but we had discussed it. Somewhere along mile 80 or 90, I decided that I really needed to lose the weight. Folks, we're talking a lot of weight. Somewhere along the Highway of Delusion, I decided what I really needed was a goal--a fun, difficult goal that I would be proud of. . .so I decided to enter a 5k in June. (I warned you.)

Afraid that I would want to back out tomorrow (proof that there was some rational thought. . .), I called my boss. She said it would be great, but she would be at Disney World that week in June. (I know--likely story. . .) I called my teacher friend. She told me I was delusional and nuts. She said she might attempt the one mile run. . .but she would have to think about it. I then called my 6 foot tall, 80 pound sister-in-law, who used to routinely run those things. SHE'S PUMPED. She can't wait to begin "our" training. It seems she's not really been training since having the baby. . .She knows I can do this. (Proof that she's delusional as well.)

Kevin, to his credit, did not laugh. He said he thought I could do it, if I really work hard. That was the really nice way of saying, "ain't no way. . ."

I called all those people back on Saturday and told them about the insane dream I had. . .They weren't buying it. It looks like I'll be attempting suicide by exercise in the next few weeks. On the positive side, it should make for humorous reading. . .even if it is short-lived.