when you know you should get out more

My guys spent the Saturday after Christmas hunting. . .because apparently there's a prize given for the hunter who spends the most time in the woods. That's the only reason I can figure my guys would go without sleep, warmth, and my pleasant company for so many days this past year. . .Kady and I decided to brave the insane crowds and do a little sale shopping. We went to the mall and a few surrounding stores and managed to score shoes, shoes, shoes, purse, and shoes. Obviously, it was a pleasant day.

We started off our shopping by having an early lunch at chik-fil-a, which Kady LOVED. Then, we found a parking space at JC Penney's and dug the stroller and assorted toddler paraphernalia out. Finally, we fought the insane crowds and started shopping. We navigated out of Penney's and through the mall, with Kady pointing out her to-do list as we went along.

"Mommy, I want to play there."

"Mama, I want to ride that."

"MOM! Let's go there!"

Somewhere through this magical journey that is the mall, Kady turned around in her stroller, looked up at me, and said, "Mom, this is the best store in the whole wide world. I love it!"

That's when it hit me.

Other than the disastrous trip to see Santa, Kady had never set foot in the mall. Oops. Definitely a parenting fail. . .

not one of our better parenting moments*

***Warning: This post is the least family-friendly post I've ever posted. You might NOT want to let your kiddos read this. You know, do as I say and not as I do. . .***

I let Kyler listen to a song that was questionable in nature. OK, not so questionable. It was inappropriate. I let him listen to the song by the Zac Brown band titled "Toes in the Sand." The song begins "I've got my toes in the water, *ss in the sand. . ."

(In my defense, I'm in desperate need of a vacation, and the song makes me feel like I'm on a beach somewhere. . .)

I know. Who knew he was actually listening to this stuff. . .

Anyway, after explaining that he could listen to it but he had to sing it the edited-for-radio version (toes in the water, toes in the sand. . .), I stupidly thought all was well.

Until we got to the phrase about rolling a big fat one.

Yup. You read that right.

Of course, he wanted to know what that meant. I used the age old response of all parents who are chicken: "Ask your dad!"

I then mentioned to Kev that this was coming.

Kev & Kyler had some daddy-son time this weekend, whereupon they discussed rolling a big fat one. Yes, we are JUST LIKE the Cosby family. . .

Apparently, it means you roll a big fat girl across the sand at the beach.

I'm not sure what's worse: the answer Kev gave, the fact that that answer was way better than what I would have said, or the fact that I let him listen to such an inappropriate song in the first place. . .

So, if you can, please resist calling DHS long enough to tell me about your uh-oh parenting moment. Please? And I'm totally available to babysit anytime. . .

simplifying my life

Life's kicking my rear these days. In an attempt to regain some control, I've decided to simplify my life. After much thought, these are the things bringing me stress, so I've decided to get rid of a few of them in order to live a stress-free life.

Classified Ad #1:

2 kids. slightly used. apparently disciplined little. no tricks, mostly housebroken, and great company--never a dull minute. great deal. owner financing possible. no trades considered. interested? call me.

Ad #2

Antique, classic matched set of parents. Very independent and head-strong. Not for beginners. Requires attention. Comes with great insurance. Matched set of in-laws also available--call for details.

Ad #3

Cozy home available. Decorated in comfortable, lived-in, tornado-blew-through style. Comes with own set of dirty dishes and dirty laundry. will consider all trades that come with hired help (maid/gardener, etc.). Great possibilities for ad #1.

Ad #4

2006 SUV available. umpteen million miles. no major outside damage (thanks to the thousands spent at the body shop after that darn deer ran in front of me. . .). inside decorated in we-live-in-it style (no extra cost!!). Outside currently decorated with 3 inches of dirt/mud. will consider clean up for right price. CALL TODAY!!!

That's it. That's all I can find to rid myself of stress, so until someone calls/contacts me about above, it looks like I'll continue to be one step away from checking myself into a place with padded walls. . .And this post is totally intended as a joke. I would never consider trading my kids or my parents. After all, have you seen some of the other options out there?!

that was us

Last week, there was a twenty-one month old child found wandering in a highway in our area. Luckily, the child was rescued by a man driving by. The child was taken into protective custody by authorities. The parents' names' and video of their home were shown on the 5:00, 6:00, and 10:00 local news. Tacked onto the end of the report, the station noted that DHS had no prior complaints on the parents.

I do not know these people. They may be the worst parents ever. They might be the best parents ever. Or they could be just average parents trying to survive. Seven years ago, that news report would have been about me. It was a very mild November morning. Kyler was sick. That was back in the day when you gave kids cold medicine. The cold medicine made Kyler hyper--very, very hyper. We were both running on very little sleep by this point. This dose, however, had finally helped him crash, and we were getting some much needed sleep. I had brought him into my king-size bed, because he was so sick.

At around 5:00 am or so, my doorbell rang. I've never opened the door to bad news before, but I just knew this was bad news. It was my neighbor. She was getting her paper. She asked if that was my son walking down the street. Looking past her, I saw Kyler in his diaper, shirt, and boots and carrying his jack o'lantern bucket. I can only assume he was "trick-or-treating" in the middle of the road on our small cul de sac. I ran and grabbed him up, torn between wanting to grab him and hug him and wanting to grab him and scold him. In the end, I did both. (The front door had been locked, but it was the kind of lock that you could still open from the inside. It was replaced that same day.)

It wouldn't have taken much to make a very different ending to our story. Had the weather been colder that morning...Had my neighbor not been up that morning...Had the paper come later...Had Kyler gotten up earlier and been out longer...Had we lived in a busier neighborhood...things could have been much worse. The next time you hear a report of something happening (or almost happening) to a child, please take a moment and realize just how easily things can happen...Please avoid the rush to judge. Please consider just how easily things can happen or that we all make mistakes.

I do not consider myself to be a bad mom (most of the time). I don't consider myself to be a great mom. I am an average mom just trying to raise good kids in a scary world, and I almost lost everything one mild November morning.

bad mommy

I make beautiful kids, huh? These pictures are several years old. I've been cleaning out my purse, looking for lost insurance cards, when I came across these. Kyler was always the cutest little guy--when you could see him. He was (and still is) quite hyperactive. I have to admit I lost my cool this morning. I had taken the morning off work to get some house stuff caught up. The phone rang at 9:00. It was the school nurse. Kyler had an earache and needed to go home. It was an hour before I could get there. In the meantime, he had returned to class and appeared to be doing fine. The nurse, however, felt he needed to go home, so my son comes bounding down the hallway, laughing with a friend. Whether or not he has an ear infection (we'll find out later today), I do believe he was well enough to remain in school. . .I told him that from now on, he is not to go to the nurse unless he feels it is a true emergency. I overreacted. Looking at this picture made me realize just how fast it goes and just how fleeting my influence on him may be.

While this may not be the typical tongue-in-cheek post most common to Fro' Me to You, check out some great stories at We are THAT family.

In case you have any questions about my competence as a caregiver. . .

I forgot my son.

Let's just let that sink in for a minute, shall we?

I forgot my son. (He's 8, for the record.) He went to after-school tutoring. I was supposed to pick him up at 4:30. On the dot. (The school is very particular about this. They make you sign a form and everything. . .You have to be there at 4:30, period.) I did not. He stood there on the sidewalk waiting for his mother, who did not show.

I thought it was a normal day. I got off work about 4:40 and drove to pick up the kids at the babysitter. Kady was at the door waiting on me. Another little girl was running through the house telling Kyler that his mother was there. She came back a few minutes later and said, "He not here."

OH NO! It all suddenly, sickeningly clicked. I went running to the car with Kady, yelling over my shoulder to the babysitter about me being incompetent and Kyler standing on the curb crying. . .I think I explained it all satisfactorily to her this morning. I literally threw things in the car as fast as I could. (Do other 2-year-old girls take this much to the babysitter EVERY DAY?)

Before I could get Kady buckled, my cell phone was ringing. I couldn't reach it in the backseat, so I called her back once I got to it. Before she could speak, I blurted out something along the lines of, "This is Kyler's mom, and I think you just called me because I forgot him, and I am on my way right now, and I'm really close, and I'm SO, SO, SO sorry, and I've never done this before--I PROMISE!! I am so sorry. Is he ok? Tell him I'll be right there. I'm almost there!!"

Thankfully, Kyler was ok. The teacher was super nice. Kyler said it wasn't a big deal. I think he kinda liked getting to talk to the teacher and play by himself until I got there. He laughed at my story when I told him how crazy his momma was. . .as if he didn't know.