Wednesday, March 3, 2010

This kind of thing only happens to me, 468th edition

By my calculation, I've had 11 prior posts dealing with deer. (From, the "oops, I hit a deer" post to the "what's he got on his hands" post to the yep, that's our very own deer head in that picture post to the post where I try to make use sound LESS redneck but actually do the opposite, deer are everywhere. . .) Thus, I'm in the dangerous position of labelling myself a redneck once and forever by writing this post. Stay focused, however, and let's lay blame where it's truly due: Bethany. It's all her fault. In THIS post from yesterday, she asked readers to detail what grosses them out. It just so happened that I was having one of THOSE days. . .

I walked in the door at work to our new therapist and a patient asking me if I noticed the dead deer in the parking lot. Yep. You read that right. I looked out the window, and sure enough, there was a dead deer that had presumably been hit by a car and collapsed, blocking the main (but obviously not the one that I use) exit. Knowing that most of our patients are elderly and of the questionable driver persuasion, I knew Dead Bambi had to be moved. . .and quickly.

The Boss Lady, who gets paid to deal with such nonsense, was at a meeting. Not knowing exactly who to call to come pick up Dead Bambi, I asked the new therapist (henceforth known as New Girl) to help me move Dead Bambi. We donned latex gloves and proceeded to the parking lot. Since I was pretty sure New Girl had not dealt with dragging dead deer thus far in her professional (or private) life, I wasn't sure how she'd handle it. I took the front legs, assuming it was the heaviest end, she took the back legs, and we heaved Dead Bambi into the ditch.

Later, I watched a 3 year-old scratch poop off his unwiped bottom and had another kiddo with a perpetual runny nose wipe said nose across my shirt from shoulder to shoulder. I figure those things are par for the course when you're a speech-language pathologist (or in any career dealing with healthcare and/or children, actually); however, no one ever told use we'd drag dead deer off the parking lot when I went to graduate school. . .As for New Girl, she handled Dead Bambi like she'd been dragging deer all her life. In fact, we're considering partnering for the annual Dead Deer Dragging Days held in Redneckville every deer season. . .We might even give up our amateur status to go pro. . .

5 comments:

Bethany said...

You should totally go pro. You'd rock the shiznit out of the dead Bambi dragging circut.

I can't believe you weren't required to take deer dragging 101 in order to obtain your degree. Education these days.

lifes-gifts said...

My husband had to move a dead person one time....but that's another story.

Hey, at least Jarod wasn't there to bite your finger too! :-P

okierivermama said...

OMG LMAO!!!!
OK well apparently the OK deer in our neck of the woods are having thier version of the deerlympics this week....we have gotten to see long distance, long jump, standing long jump, high jump, and of course hurdles with one of the hurdles being our rock rake. I assure you Chris will be dying to know he has missed such fabulous sportsmanship in our very own front yard.
This is the closest we have had the deer in the 5 years we have been here. Now the elk was another story altogether, he ran right between the house and the shop and scared the bejesus out of my mom the first time she visited alone.
Steff

Rachel said...

Wow. I think I would have had to figure out who to call for dead-deer-dragging-municipal-services.

The Football Wife said...

You seriously deserve a raise. ;)