We R Redneck, edition 562

Through this blog, I've slowly allowed myself to accept the idea that I am, in fact, redneck. (You might remember THIS post. . .) Kevin has always readily admitted his redneck tendencies, which he has passed willingly and purposefully to our children. Want proof? In language arts, Kyler has been studying parts of speech. His teacher had them make a mobile of sorts in which the students named nouns. Kyler had the following nouns listed.

• His best friend
• Michael Waddell, a professional hunter who appears in most hunting videos that Kyler has watched
• tree stand
• the local tire shop
• Bass Pro Shops
• tom turkey
• coon

Kev is way more proud of this than I am. I am wondering where I went wrong. . .

rednecks R us gets married

My boss (AKA Boss Lady) grew up in an even smaller town than me. The county she's from has NO stop lights in it. None. Not even one. She pointed out this engagement announcement yesterday. . .

(Names and places have been hidden to protect privacy. I can assure you this is an ACTUAL engagement announcement in an ACTUAL paper in Arkansas.)




A*** F*** of Etown and R*** F*** of Ltown announce the engagement and approaching marriage of their daughter, H*** R*** F***, to C*** L*** Y***, son of S*** and D*** R*** of Ptown and L** Y*** of Pville. The ceremony is planned for 2 p.m. Saturday, July 18 (2009) at Fort D***. Family and friends are invited to attend the ceremony and the reception following and bring a covered dish.

Ok. Let's think about this. You might be a redneck if

• you request people bring their own food to the reception.


• you get married at the creek (FYI Boss Lady just confirmed that Fort D*** is a spot on the creek. It's where everyone swims on Piney Creek. I could not make that up.)


• your tattoos show in the engagement announcement.


• you have rebel flag tattoos.


• you are wearing scrubs in your engagement announcement.


• you wear a shirt that the sleeves have been ripped out.


• you wear a camouflage hat for said picture.


• you marry a man that does the above.

Now, help me show these people the love, ok? : )

Rednecks R Us Returns and Offers Tidbits

Remember my impulsive decision to RUN a 5K?! Well, tomorrow is the day. I pray I survive. I am disappointed. Weird, nagging shin splints forced me backwards for awhile, so I am not where I want to be. I will NOT be able to run the whole race; I'll have to run/walk it. I'm trying to stay positive, so last night, Kady and I had fun mother-daughter time, where we treated ourselves to pedicures (and manicures, in her case). You know, a toddler can be very persuasive. She kept telling me she would make my toes pretty. She said I would "lub" it.

She's right. I do. I absolutely "lub" my fuchsia pink toes. She had to go over the toes a few times to get the spots she missed. That's right. Toes. Not toenails. (I'm not sure the picture from my phone does it justice. . .)

In other news, you know you are a redneck who lives in Arkansas, when your toddler tells you she has a tick in her ear. . .and then pulls out a white piece of wax. Eeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND! See you Monday!

(Does anyone else think fuchsia is spelled incorrectly? It looks SO wrong, but spell check can't be wrong--can it?)

I can't help it

This is quite possibly a new low in my blogging "career," but I can't help myself. My mom sent this to me. It's an email that's been floating around for some time, but I can't help but comment on the humor (and truth) in it.

Here goes. If you're a local reader, you'll totally get these. I've added my commentary in italics. If you're not local, I'm sorry. Please come back another day. You're going to be completely lost.

Here are some ways to know if you're a true Arkansan.
If...
1. You can properly pronounce Ouachita. and that would be wash-a-ta
2. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies. you haven't seen humid until you've spent an August weekend outside in Pine Bluff!
3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel. Okies are so much worse about this than we are : )
4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade. too true!!
5. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.
6. You've seen people wear bib overalls at funerals. True story: my brother's grandfather-in-law wore bib overalls to my brother's wedding. . .I kid you not!
7. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent. and you can tell which part of Arkansas by listening to it!
8. You measure distance in minutes.
9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean. It's not?
10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit. nah--you know it'll change. You just wear many layers and prepare for the dizzying array of temperature changes that we call seasons in Arkansas.
11. You know cow pies are not made of beef. You know the Beef Princess thing? Well, the local festival that was going on when I was crowned used to have a cow chip throwing contest. No, that's one contest I never entered.
12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date. well, the Hogs schedule is used to plan many things. . .That's not that unusual, is it?
13. You have known someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist. just one?
14. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, beer, and bait all in the same store. Heber Springs, baby!
15. You know that a Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol here - A Red Ford, F-250, Crew Cab, with Dual Wheels and Four Wheel Drive is. If you change this to a Dodge, then my husband is SO driving a status symbol. . .and the welding machine in the back will just make it look TOO cool!
16. You know everything goes better with 'Ranch'. and ketchup. we're classy that way!
17. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply. my kids certainly have. . .
18. If you know who Slick Willy is and how he achieved his name. yep. . .but officially, my comment is "No comment" and it "depends on what your definition of the word 'is' is."
19. If you have ever had this conversation: "You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr Pepper." my dad is the worst about this. If you take that man to Sonic, he always orders a coke. You know, the Dr. Pepper kind.
20. You know that "Whooooo Pig! Sooie!" is Calling the Hogs! GO HOGS! What?! You knew I was going to say it!
21. You know where Fannie Fox Freeway is and how it was so named.. no idea on this one. anyone else?
22. If you know what "Black Ice" is. yes
23. You know how to get to Toad Suck, and Petit Jean Mtn. yep
24. Why the state flag is diamond shaped. yep and I would love to take the kids to find diamonds! How cool would that be?
25. If you've ever listened to Bob Robbins or Craig (Lips) Oneil . unsure on this one, also. any help out there?
26. Ever been up the Pig trail and floated down the Buffalo . yep. I can't wait to take Kyler floating again! We floated a different river last year. He had so much fun (as did I!).
27. Your summers are measured in consecutive days that the temperature exceeds 100 degrees. and have we mentioned the humidity?
28. If you know the horse track is in Hot Springs and the dog track is in West Memphis. yep. although I've never got to go to either. I have been to Hot Springs and West Memphis, however.
29. If you ever bought earthquake insurance because you were once worried about the New Madrid Fault. nope.
30. Deer hunting is considered an excused absence in your High Schools. only for Jodie : ) (Love ya, Jodie!!)
And Finally: 31. You are 100% Arkie if you actually get more than half of these jokes and are "FIXIN'" to show them to your friends.

Well, it's official. I am an Arkansan. How did you do?

I promise not to repost emails from now on! (no matter how funny they are!!)

you eat WHAT?!

This is yet another fine example of how redneck we really are.

(Note the "healthful meat" section.)

For the record, I don't think my son has actually eaten squirrel, but as previously admitted to, his mother has. . .

Rednecks R Us

After reading some of my last few posts, I realized something. I have been doing a wonderful job of reiterating all those Arkansas/hillbilly stereotypes you may have. For instance, we live 3 miles down a dirt road. We live in a county where you can't buy a bottle of whine, but all the drugs you want are within reach (scary!). Our next door neighbors have chicken houses. Dogs outnumber people in our neighborhood. My husband hunts--Everything.

I honestly did not realize we were rednecks until I read our stories. OK, that is SO not true. I've always known my husband was a redneck. He has made that perfectly clear since the first time I saw him (driving someone else's truck and "celebrating" a huge buck his best friend killed. . .what the heck was I thinking?!) However, I still have some denial about whether or not I am a redneck. Sadly, I have a feeling which side of the line my children are on. . .

That said, stereotypes are wrong and misleading. Please don't judge all of Arkansas by my stories. I am sorry if I have been misleading you. We are not all like this. Seriously. Growing up, I lived on a paved road--a highway, even! We only had one dog. We could buy wine, but drugs appeared (to me, at least) to be scarce. My dad "hunted" once a year, which amounted to going camping with the guys. Ok, the next door neighbors did have chicken houses, but it is Arkansas. . .

That said, let me influence you twice more. . .

1) We were almost late to school today because the Tyson truck was stopped on the dirt road talking to my neighbor, the illegal poacher, about deer hunting. . .

2) When we got to the babysitter's, she had a deer hanging in her front yard. Her husband had killed a good size buck. (Although she told me she took the kids on a field trip to teach them about hunting--gotta love that!)

Please don't judge us. Laugh WITH us, ok?