sometimes I even scare myself

I am not the world's best driver. I drive too fast and tend to multi-task when I drive. I've also had several speeding tickets, but none recently. . .Don't blame me--it's that whole ADHD thing. Anyway, I drive a lot, but I'm not a great driver.

We were on the way to school this morning. Suddenly, Kady screams, "Drive, Mama, drive! Mama, drive!" I look down and realize my hand is at the bottom left side of the steering wheel, and from Kady's vantage point, it looks like I'm not steering the car.

How bad is my driving when I'm scaring a two-and-a-half year old?!

Death. . .and not the funny kind. . .er, never mind

Unfortunately, there is no joy in this post. I will be out of pocket a few days. Death. . .it suddenly surrounds me. My childhood best friend's grandmother ("Granny" to all who knew her) passed away. My aunt was killed in a car crash. I shall return, but as for now, my family will be a little preoccupied with current circumstances.

and there I go

I am absolutely, positively swamped. As in, I cannot stay afloat, and my eyeballs are sinking. Therefore, I only have time for a brief update. Yes, we're still alive and kicking in Arkansas. I'm sorry to disappoint and upset you all that I haven't been blogging much. : ) (What do you mean "you hadn't noticed"?!)

Kyler can hardly wait for school to be out. He's doing amazing this year and looking forward to spending the night with his teacher's son very soon. He's also looking forward to spending lots of guy time with Papa this summer.

Kady and Sissy had an unfortunate altercation involving one very highly coveted worm yesterday. It seems Kady is a worm thief and Sissy was not impressed. Luckily, Kyler was able to find a worm for each of them, and the crisis was over. (I told you the babysitter had a worm farm at her house!)

Last weekend, I had the kind of weekend that only childless couples take for granted. Kyler and most of the other boy cousins spent the night with Moo Moo. Kady spent the weekend with Nana and Papa. I spent the weekend with Kev. . .and his other woman. (Relax! His other woman has a wet nose, four legs, and part of a tail. Her name is Maddie, and I'll post pictures one of these days. . .) We went bowling and out to eat. I did his laundry and. . .well, that was it. It was heaven!! (For the record, my husband is the WORST bowler ever! He has a difficult time, as he says, "keeping his ball out of the ditch." It was hilarious. . .and then he kicked our tails at pool.)

We have a family reunion this weekend, where we look forward to seeing the not-so-crazy bunch of my family! I promise to try and post more often. . .even if you don't read, it's good for my sanity!!

I don't blame her. . .

Kady has renamed herself. If you ask her first name, she'll tell you "Kady." If you ask her last name, she used to tell you "K---." Now, if you ask her last name, she'll tell you "H----," which is Sissy's last name.

I don't really blame her. Sometimes, I want to change my last name too. However, is it normal for two little girls to be quite this together? They are completely joined at the hip. Do you think she's decided that they're really sisters? Just one more thing that cracks me up about my kids. . . Have a great weekend!

Rednecks R Us Returns

In the spirit of If you Give a Mouse a Cookie and If you Give a Pig a Pancake, each child in Kyler's class was asked to write a similar book to present to his or her mother. Now, please understand that I think Kyler's creation is brilliant and adorable and very well done. That said, let's enjoy, shall we?

My can't-deny-the-redneck-genes son titled his book If you Give a Coyote a Rib. (Psst, that's Ky-ote around here and not Ky-o-tee. Very good. Now, you're almost local. . .) : )

This literary gem goes like this.

If you give a coyote a rib, he'll want some BBQ sauce to go with it. And then he'll get all sticky and want to take a bath. Then he'll go outside and he'll see your four wheel (er).

**(page break)**

He'll ask if he can ride it he won't even wait for an answer. He'll just get on. And he'll know how to start it.

** **

So he'll start it up. And fall off into the mud.

** **

It will remind him of the BBQ sauce.

** **

And chances are

** **

if he wants the BBQ sauce he'll want a rib to go with it.

There's just no hope, is there? : )

no gender stereotypes here

Kady is a study in contrasts. Her favorite color is pink. She thinks she is a princess. She wants to wear "Barbie" dresses daily. She play with her dolls all the time. She also likes to wear camouflage and can't wait to go hunting with her daddy. Her favorite game? "Worms" Never played? Well, from what we can tell, it goes like this. You dig in the dirt until you find a worm. When you find a worm you "hug it and love it and talk to it." Sissy and Kady play worms a lot. They're lucky. Mrs. Best-Babysitter-in-the-whole-wide-world must live on a worm gold mine--a real-life worm farm, if you will. (A third of you are disgusted, a third of you are calling PETA, and a third of you are rolling on the floor laughing. . . )

Most little girls get the memo to grow up and become a princess, while little boys get the firefighter memo. Somehow, Kady has decided she wants to be a firefighter when she grows up. Kevin is terrified. Being the over-protective father (and not understanding that she'll change her mind 50 times before tomorrow. . .), he sat her down and talked to her. It went kinda like this.

"Kady, are you sure you want to be a firefighter?"

"Yes."

"But, Honey, they have to go into burning buildings and save people and sometimes they even get hurt. Are you sure you want to be a firefighter?"

"Yes."

"Kady, let's pick something else, ok?"

"Barbie Firefighter!"

Let's not mention the possible career of worm farmer to either of them, ok?

going the wrong way

You may have heard the news. I started this whole "get healthy" kick. I've been jogging and lifting weight and eating healthy. It's been rather dramatic thus far. First there was the lack of weight loss. Then, there was the frustration. Eventually, there were shin splints. Finally, there is the lack of weight loss.

Did I mention the lack of weight loss?

I went to the doctor Wednesday. It turns out this whole "getting healthy" kick is bad for my health. You want proof? My blood pressure has always been normal. Yesterday, it was high. HIGH. How can that be? I feel like I'm in an elaborate candid camera/punked episode. . .In fact, the entire doctor's visit felt that way.


The doctor told me not to worry about things that I can't control. . .like my parents' health. After all, they might not make it much longer. (He is not their doctor.) To lose weight, you should park at the far end of the parking lot. . .Did I mention I was walking/jogging 2.5-3 miles every other day?


Remember how they always have to take my blood from my hand? Well, fifteen minutes later, this lab tech felt she should [sigh] try my hand, although [sigh] that vein didn't look very promising either. (What am I--an ex-addict or something? How did I win the bad vein lottery? And why is she complaining? She's not the one about to be stuck with a needle and told it probably will hurt and have to be repeated. . .)


I went to pay my bill, and there was a huge commotion. Apparently, my doctor forgot to charge me (darn) and when he did, he charged me for a lab procedure that no one knew how to charge me for. . .

I'm pretty sure getting healthy and visits to the doctor are doing nothing good for my blood pressure. In fact, this whole "getting healthy" thing may kill me!

it's that time again. . .

SCHOOL BOOK FAIR!! I've always loved the school book fair. . .all those brand new books. . .the choices. . .

Well, I don't know if you've been lately, but school librarians are very deserving of your prayers right now. I'm not sure what the average school librarian makes, but they should have a combat pay clause just for book fairs. Those kids are nuts! There's mini people all over the library waving books and shouting (yes, in a library) and talking to their friends and holding books and laughing and touching all the stuff on the dollar table. It's enough to send my blood pressure through the roof, apparently. . .(more on that later)

Lesson of the day: NEVER schedule a doctor's visits after a visit to a book fair and NEVER even think about substituting for a school librarian--especially during book fair week!!

the princess makes demands

Kev and I have recently started referring to our children as Stinky (the tall one) and Sticky (the short one). Both names seem to fit really well, so they may, well. . .stick (no pun intended).

Sticky recently spend the night with my mom. Mom (AKA Nana) put on a movie for Sticky. Nana told her that she would be in the next room and Sticky was to yell if she needed anything.

Nana worked quietly for a few minutes before she heard, "Nana, I nnnneeeeeeeedddd yyyyyooooouuuuu!!!!!!!!!"

"What do you need?"

"I need my milk," she said as she pointed to the nearby table. "It's right there."

Do you feel my pain?

random factoid #43 about me

[sigh] I guess I should go ahead and just get this out there. I feel like a fraud, keeping something like this from y'all. Here goes.

I have monkey arms.

There. I said it. Now, you all know that I have really, freakishly long arms. (They actually hang to my knees. . .) It comes in handy for reaching stuff. And playing basketball. Not so much for appearing cute and petite, etc. And if you attend a high school where they have this really random "shorts must be 2 inches below your fingertips", you're screwed. Like, scar you for life kinda screwed. It will make you wish you went to school in the next town over, where they have a much less arbitrary "2 inches above the knee" kinda rule for shorts. You might even grow up and enroll your child in that other school. . .just in case those things are inherited. Just sayin'.

If you don't mind, I would prefer we didn't have this conversation, got it? Carry on now.