when you know you should get out more

My guys spent the Saturday after Christmas hunting. . .because apparently there's a prize given for the hunter who spends the most time in the woods. That's the only reason I can figure my guys would go without sleep, warmth, and my pleasant company for so many days this past year. . .Kady and I decided to brave the insane crowds and do a little sale shopping. We went to the mall and a few surrounding stores and managed to score shoes, shoes, shoes, purse, and shoes. Obviously, it was a pleasant day.

We started off our shopping by having an early lunch at chik-fil-a, which Kady LOVED. Then, we found a parking space at JC Penney's and dug the stroller and assorted toddler paraphernalia out. Finally, we fought the insane crowds and started shopping. We navigated out of Penney's and through the mall, with Kady pointing out her to-do list as we went along.

"Mommy, I want to play there."

"Mama, I want to ride that."

"MOM! Let's go there!"

Somewhere through this magical journey that is the mall, Kady turned around in her stroller, looked up at me, and said, "Mom, this is the best store in the whole wide world. I love it!"

That's when it hit me.

Other than the disastrous trip to see Santa, Kady had never set foot in the mall. Oops. Definitely a parenting fail. . .

walking a tightrope with the big guy

Dear Santa,

Merry Christmas! I hope this letter find you well and well prepared for your upcoming journey. I hope you do not take offense to this letter, but I feel I must make my complaint known. Please do not hold it against my children. They have been (mostly) good this year.

Santa, Santa, Santa. Last Sunday, we drove one hour to see you. Yes, proper preparation would have resulted in a much earlier date, but my husband, the KING of Spontaneity, decided last Sunday was THE day. We drove. We ate. (I'm not sure who had the bright idea to eat spaghetti, but. . .) We washed my daughter's clothes off in the bathroom to the best of our abilities. . .We arrived at the mall to find a long, but tolerable line to see you. Kady stood quite patiently for about 45 minutes while we waited for all the other good boys and girls to meet you. We obliged the "no cameras on set" rule that was posted, and quietly chose our over-priced picture package. All was OK.

Then, Trey and the-elf-that-I-forgot-his-name (henceforth referred to as the other elf) announced that the cameras had crashed. An elf frenzy commenced during which all elves were on the phone to corporate to remedy the situation. Trey and the other elf opened up a "special" line, in which you could see Santa but not have your child's picture taken by the elves.

Several people jumped at this opportunity, but still desiring a picture of my (almost) clean daughter with you, I resisted for a few minutes. Finally, I gave in and joined the group taking their own pictures. When we were two people away from you, your elves announced that CORPORATE had made the decision that no one would be allowed to take pictures with Santa. (Santa, who is this corporate that makes such poor decisions for you? When did they take over your life?)

Now, Santa, here's where I try to avoid a lifetime of coal, switches, and reindeer poop in my stocking. . .Santa, if you couldn't provide the services I was requesting--the services that you were advertising-- then WHY CAN'T I TAKE MY OWN PICTURE?! Seriously, you turned a very important moment in my daughter's Christmas memories into a complete letdown and disappointment for me. We will NOT be back to your "house," as Kady called it. I may have to pay the fat man down the road to dress up, but I WILL NOT make the journey to the dictatorial corporate mall. You, Fat Man, have let me down. You have commercialized just one too many things in my Christmas. Then, you have sucked every bit of joy out of that commercialized morsel that you tempted me with. You can take your over-priced pictures, your tacky "no cameras" sign, your corporate-grunt elves, and you can go back to the North Pole. As for me, I chose not to call the 800 number the other elf offered and am instead using the "great equalizer"--the internet, to share our little "incident." Merry Christmas.

Sincerely,

Rachel in Paradise (Lost)

PS Please tell Mrs. Clause hello.

a stolen Christmas meme

What's a person to do when she's out of time to get everything done but really, really wanting to update the blog? Steal a meme, of course. This one's from the Happy Geek, which I found by way of Tonggu Mama's website (so you know it's good!). : )

Eggnog or Hot Chocolate? Any question that asks you to choose between chocolate and something is NOT a real question. Moving on.

Does Santa wrap the presents or leave them open under the tree? Santa does not wrap gifts. All wrapped gifts are from your parents, and don't forget it! As for our wrapping technique, anything that effectively hides the identity of the gifts counts, so pretty is not a words that describes our gifts.

Coloured Lights on a tree or white? Last year, I finally bought a new tree. When my procrastinating husband finally gave me the green light, the store only had colored lights. [sigh] Thus, we have colored lights, with a preference for white lights. . .

Do you hang Mistletoe? Usually, although this year, only the tree is up so far. . .Guess what I'm doing this weekend?

When do you put your decorations up? Usually, our motto is they turkey is done, so where are the lights. . .This year, well, see above.

What is your favorite Holiday Dish? Anything that involves food. If you ask for a more specific answer, I would have to go with ham. . .or chicken-broccoli casserole. . .or the rolls. . .or brown sugar green beans. . .well, you get the idea.

Favorite Holiday Memory as a Child? the year we opened presents at my grandparents' house was special. I'll never forget the Christmas I got a Barbie house. Kev engaged in much more felonious actions as a child than I did, so he has some funny stories that I could share. However, we're hoping our children never hear of those. . .

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Usually, all gifts are opened on Christmas; however, this year, Kyler's pajamas are in such sad shape that they each have new pajamas to open Christmas Eve. Contain your excitement--I know they will.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Oh, if only I could tell you about my pre-kids tree. . .It was sparkly and perfectly proportioned and each ornament had a special place.

Snow. Love it or Hate it? I live in Arkansas. We don't get much of it, so it's always special. So special that we shut down for a week when the white stuff appears.

Can you ice skate? Did I mention where I live?

What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? cheesecake. or anything chocolate. Enough said.

What is your favorite holiday tradition? I enjoy the weekend where Kev & I get away, do all the Christmas shopping, and wrap all the presents.

Candy Canes. Yum or Yuck? Tradition, but I can take it or leave it.

Favorite Christmas Show? White Christmas or the Nativity Story.

Have a merry Christmas!!!

the hair cut lady

Kady went for her first ever haircut last Friday. Now, we have to play "hair cut lady" every night. You are not allowed to change her title. She "is a hair cut lady like that one, you know, that cuts my hair." Luckily, we've thus far been satisfied with play scissors. . .Now, you may ooh and ahh over my baby girl's cute haircut. Go. : )

the whole wide world

This morning we drove the same route we've driven for all of Kady's 3 years. Today, as we topped a hill, she announced,**

"Mama, I can see the whole world!"

**not our actual view. It might have been the quickest one I "borrowed" from flickr. . .

rambling notes from my christmas card list

Hello, all. Welcome back. Where ya' been? Me? Well, I was on the brink of death from some no-name, pathetic little virus. Did I get sick with the "real" flu bug going around. Nope. I managed to get really, really sick from your everyday virus. I'm an over-achiever that way.

Moving on.

It's time to send out my Christmas cards! I always moan and groan about doing this. I complain about having to pick out a card, and gripe about the trouble of rounding up all the addresses. (I always need an address. My address book consists of a bundle of envelopes scavenged from last year's cards and tucked in my never-opened scrap booking tote. . .)

The truth is that I actually LIKE getting Christmas cards. It's fun to open the mailbox and see a note handwritten by someone you know (and usually like!). Unfortunately, I discovered last year that my mailman IS authorized to deliver something besides bills and junk mail. Heretofore, I had simply blamed him for my lack of written Yuletide Sentiments. . .After stumbling upon my mother's stash of cards, I learned the truth: my family and friends do know how to send cards and are sending cards. . .just not to me. (Hey, S, Mom got your card! It was SO cute. I wish I had gotten one after sending you one for ELEVEN years straight. . .)

Anyway, this year, my new motto is "you gotta send one to get one." I'll keep you updated as to the progress. However, if you've been here long, you know I like to break rules, so I've already added a few new people to the list. Utilizing the old and new list, here are a few observations thus far. . .

• I am an eternal optimist. After years of knowing better, I will try for the "perfect" photo card EACH and EVERY year.
• We can't take a decent family picture.
• If you manage to get both kids looking at the camera, cover the bare feet, and hide (most of) the clutter, your camera will be out of focus.
• In. Every. Photo. completely out of focus. . .
• I know two people who live on Nottinghill. . .in different states.
• I know one person on Bearberry, which is just downright fun to say.
• My mailing region is rather small, even with the addition of 3 new states.
• The coldest place my card will be travelling: Minnesota.
• The warmest place: Texas or Alabama.
• Of course, the idea of a Hog fan's Christmas card travelling to Crimson Tide country could cause catastrophic weather conditions. . .

Do you want to join in on the Christmas card fun? Just drop me an email (rlkendr at yahoo dot com) with your address. Now, I want to know your Christmas card traditions. . .

what I didn't know

In case you've been keeping up with my captivating tweets regarding my illness, I'm still sick. I can't seem to shake this horrible, awful respiratory thing I've got going on. The doctor's take is it's a "virus thing" and I'm just going to have to get over it. . .Anyway, I have managed to squander most of my paid time off this week by staying home and watching crappy tv instead of going on a long-awaited cruise. . .not that I'm bitter or anything. Just to show how much I've been missing out by going to work each and every day and not staying home glued to my tv, I wanted to let you in on an upcoming show Tyra's doing. Seriously.

If you or someone you know attempted YOUR own plastic surgery but botched it, PLEASE call the Tyra show.

I spent the first delusional day of my illness convinced I had missed something, but it came on again the next day. They are seriously looking for people who tried to perform plastic surgery on themselves. Obviously, I've been living under a rock, because I had no idea this was a serious problem. Ssssoooo, share. What types of surgery are you considering attempting?