Wednesday, January 20, 2010

they are not most children

Most children have an imaginary friend. My daughter has an entire imaginary school, including 3 rotating teachers. Her teachers' names are Anna (pronounced "awna"), Anka, and Ona. Anna must be the lead teacher, because she frequently issues commands. Within the last week, Anna has issued two very important commands that Kady has relayed to us. The first was a directive for "PINK (Mommy, they MUST be pink!) ice-skates from Wal-Mart." We live in Arkansas. There are no ice skates within 100 miles. . .

The second directive came after Kyler announced that he MUST read the Star Wars book he checked out from the library. This book would give him all the points he needs to meet his reading goal, so he NEEDS to stay up until 9 or 10 EVERY night to read. . .

Without missing a beat, Kady said,

"My teacher, Ms. Anna, said I have to read the new Elmo book, so I have to stay up and read too!"

How long before they can totally and completely manipulate me? It's obviously VERY close. . .

On a very different note, please continue to pray for those affected by the Haiti tragedy. If Only I had Super Powers directed me to a very touching blog written by a worker at an orphanage in Haiti that was killed during the earthquake last week. You can read about her work and experiences HERE.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

because I thought it was funny. . .

My mom just sent me this email that I hadn't read before (which is amazing in and of itself because I've now received every other possible forward at least 9 times. How many times can I possibly die from not sending a forward on in 9 minutes?). I thought it was funny, so you better too. : ) (Sorry if you have read it.)

Random Thoughts of the Day:

1) Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

2) I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

3) There is a great need for sarcasm font.

4) How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

5) I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

6) MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

7) Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

8) I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

9) Bad decisions make good stories

10) You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

11) I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

12) I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

13) I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

14) As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

15) I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

16) I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

Bonus Funnies:
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, government, health care, real estate prices, the stock market, the federal deficit, Iraq, Afghanistan, global warming, my savings, Social Security, credit card debt........I called the Suicide Hot line. ... I got a call center in Pakistan .....told them I was suicidal.. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Monday, January 11, 2010

socially inappropriate behavior by the parents

Kyler is my ear child. He would be a perfectly healthy child except for those darn ears of his. The child has had multiple sets of PE tubes, a tonsillectomy, an adenoidectomy, and even a frenectomy (He was tongue-tied.). We spent New Year's Eve getting another set of tubes placed. If you'll recall, I'm a speech-language pathologist, so I was familiar with this physician outside of being my son's doctor. Kevin and I both went.

OK. Now that I've set the stage. . .

The doctor comes in and introduces himself to Kev (who had never met him). The doctor then procedes to tell us what they (himself adn his wife) will be doing to ring in the new year. The doctor, whom we saw at his main office also has an office/home in Paradise, which he made reference to. In response, I announced, "I WONDERED what you were doing."

I really hadn't. . .

But at that point, it was more uncomforable to correct myself.

The doctor once again mentioned Paradise, stating that he would be driving there when he finished up with Kyler. Kevin, being the completely-friendly-but-total-smart-aleck that he is, said, "You could just ride with us," which was never intended as an actual solicitation. . .I mean, we were in the "big city," with specific shopping needs ahead of us. We were not missing this opportunity.

The doctor was very quiet for a L O N G moment before replying, "Um, thanks, but I'll just drive myself."

As the awkwardness died away (i.e., The doctor left the room.), Kev and I had one thought: Our first restraining order was approaching.

Parents. . .you just can't take them out in public.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

don't judge

The Scene: After a long day of playing in the snow, it has just been discovered that Kyler is the second victim of the chicken pox invasion. He has spots covering his whole body and is running a low-grade fever. Mom and Dad are also fatigued to the point of exhaustion.

Me: Almost time for bed!

Kyler: Mo-o-om, I don't have school tomorrow. . .Please let me stay up late!

Me: OK, you can stay up until 9:00, but it's already 8:30.

Kyler: YES!! [fist pumping]

The actual time:

Don't judge us.